Did you grow out of the ground?

Can I only be enraged with myself? It’s a Wednesday; I’m on my way to my sister’s court that is currently incarcerated at County for a traffic violation so I’m feeling violated and more furious than usual. My thoughts are a mess. A few years ago when I was cruising in my stick shift thinking I was the most feminist person I knew I was disgusted when I passed a couple with the “wife”/baby mama sitting in the back seat. Now here I am sitting in the back telling myself “Id rather be compassionate towards my daughter a dependant child than a nazi-fem.” Was I just rationalizing?

 

My daughter has had five earaches in the past eight months that she’s been with us, out of the belly. Each time she gets a prescription for a twice a day for ten days liquid anti-biotic. That’s fifty times. Her father has never given her the medicine. I can list eight months worth of chores that come along with a child that he has lacked to be involved with, but you can imagine: bottle washing, remembering to get wipes at the store and doctors appointments, buying Tylenol, etc.

 

I know its because he’s sexist. We are engaged. He is financially supportive. I love him. But he is sexist. His mom is like the mom on Everybody Loves Raymond. If that doesn’t explain enough Ill just say he is used to being taken care of. She cleaned his room when he was twenty-two. I am sexist too, cause I find myself hating men. I feel like I know they are all exactly like him, and my dad, and my grandpa, and the person who works in advertisement and created that sexist commercial stating normal guys don’t do nice things like give up watching a football game to wash their girlfriends fluffy dog. Cause you know “all guys love football, and all girlfriends are needy and have small puppies.”

 

For sake of privacy, Ill say a friend. A friend I have, his wife was cheating on him. It was a bad ending to a short marriage with two small children. She left him and gave him custody of the children. She rarely sees them. His family is repulsed. They are in complete shock. What kind of mother doesn’t love her children? What kind of person could do this? Well. Men do this all the time. A socially conscious academic acquaintance once told me “90% of men cheat.” So men, they cheat. My grandfather had a whole other family. Big deal. No one talks about it unless they’re drunk. It’s normal. NORMAL. What kind of society are we that when the roles are reversed, we are appalled.

 

There are two things that without I would not be who I am, and that would be devastating. Ethnic Studies and my mom. My mom being the most amazing strong spirited woman I know who in a sense has taught me more about feminism just from watching her be a single mom than any book I could dust off and read in the Women’s Studies section at a yuppie university.

 

With Mother’s Day just passing and SB1108 constantly on my mind, I cant help but be more upset that we don’t even have Gender Studies in our Public Schools in Tucson and across the country. With so many leaders in the community and Raza movement being men, I sometimes feel I am the only make-up protesting, hairy-legged, furious feminist worried about the lucha and legacy of ladies everywhere getting’ no love!

 

Am I just too light skinned to fully comprehend the anxiety and hate caused by racism? Or is the angst and apathy of gender issues “swept under the rug” by MOM’S old broom. Are ATTACKS towards women so much a part of us that we see racism and want to destroy it and see Nana slaving over the stove while Tata is watching TV and cant wait to eat. I’m angry. I couldn’t be angrier.

 

“You know you don’t have to be a woman to be a feminist. You should just fucking be a feminist. Really. & If you’re not a feminist, you should kill yourself. Because like where did you come from? Did you grow out of the ground? We are all here because of women and that’s enough too be feminist.”

 

-Margaret Cho