Si se puede?

12/17/2008

I only know a few people who have been successful as far as college goes. The two people who come to mind, both have a mother and father in their life, and knowing both for the years I have I know that they don’t know just how much of a difference it made in their lives. I can not relate to this fortune. I was never anywhere near middle class. My parents then parent could never give me any kind of financial support or secure stability like a home. I should have graduated U of A in May 2007 then went on for another year to get Teaching credentials. I took one class this semester and I just don’t see it going anywhere. Working, being a mom, how will I ever go to school full time? How can I take out loans for school?, when I don’t have a license, when sometimes I hardly have food? I’m realistic about living at my means, and college just seems above my means. I remember when I was 19 I was so sure about college and my life ahead of me. Now as I have gotten older, I am not wiser. I am not brave. I thought at 24 after having a child I could rule the world, but I been feeling so hopeless. Maybe I am just meant to be a mom. Maybe I am just not meant to ever feel secure. All these years I been pushing myself for la raza. Maybe I need to push myself for myself. I just don’t know what I want to do, except love her. That’s one thing I am sorta great at.

Sometimes I get in these jealous, angry moods and I just want to find a good job and struggle at life like a normal fucking person.

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